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In many ways, this is going to be the hardest post I’ve written. And no jumping to conclusions … DD, SIL, and Aurora are all fine, getting to know each other, and settling into a new routine. I spent every day last week at their home helping out so the new parents can get their footing as they embark on their new adventure. I was thankful for the distraction of baby snuggles late in the week.

Late morning Wednesday, poor Cindy was having some tummy upset and threw up a few times. We’ve had this happen a number of times and she generally got over whatever the problem was within 12 hours or so. Hubby got home before I did and said she was still having issues though. She seemed mostly OK when I got home, was moving around, and drinking water. We tried getting her to take some nibbles with herbs and medication that had helped in the past but she wasn’t having any of it.

By about 10 pm she quit drinking water. I tried everything I could think of but no dice. I thought about taking her to the emergency clinic but something felt wrong about that. I did have a stray thought or two run through my mind … she is doing this on purpose. I tried asking my wolf guide to see if he could convince her to at least drink but all he’d say was “she’s fine”. Even our gal who does energy work couldn’t get a response from her (found this out the next morning). Through all this she was alert and seemed OK, watching us move around, even going outside to pee.

I ended up staying up with her all night. About 5:30 am I was again thinking about a trip to the emergency clinic even though she still seemed OK. I finally called them around 6 and by the time I got off the phone she had gone from alert to near comatose … in less than 20 minutes. By the time we got her there it was too late. And at this point I’m certain she just didn’t want to deal with yet another period of trying to recuperate after a minor illness. It was too much and she’d had enough. I understand that. But I wish she’d have trusted me enough to tell me.

When I talked to Wolf about it later he told me she didn’t want him to tell me. I think she was afraid I wouldn’t let her go. Maybe she was right. I think deep down I knew what was up I just didn’t recognize it. Or maybe I didn’t want to admit it. I don’t know.

I do know that she’s happy now. Thrilled to find that doors no longer mean anything and she can go where she wants. She’s been out walking with hubby during his evening walk, with me at the kids checking out Aurora, and in the house. I miss her dearly but I’m glad that she was able to check out on her terms … not wasting away from illness and old age. And I’m glad I don’t have to make that decision for her … potentially waiting too long, or not long enough.

I’d hoped to have a little more time with her and I’d have loved her to meet Samira and Aurora “in the flesh” but that apparently wasn’t to be. After the seizures we’d told her the choice to stay or go was up to her and to not worry about us and I’m glad that she was able to choose. And I know she’ll continue to visit from time to time.

She had a good, full life and was spoiled for the 14 years she was with us. She’s left us with a lot of fond memories and taught us what it means to truly trust and what unconditional love really is. She was my protector and constant companion. She helped me with energy work and guarded my space during my rituals. She was truly one of the best friends I’ve ever had.

Be at peace my brave, sweet, baby girl. Mommy loves you.

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