Wow … has it really been almost a month since I last posted here? *blinks*
I’ve been continuing to think on the events and experiences surrounding the ritual I mentioned in my last entry. One of the things I’ve struggled the most with, and that some of my friends and I have had discussions on, is whether or not what we experience is real or imagined.
It’s interesting to look back and see how my views have been changing as my experiences with the Universe accumulate. I knew that the recent ritual experience was important to me for some reason, I just wasn’t sure exactly how. I got that answer last week. During that ritual we had all added energy to a sphere (one of the things I was “told” to get in preparation for the ritual) and I was finally able to get it sent off to our friend we were sending energy to during the ritual.
Now, I know rituals and spells work. But the response from this friend was so overwhelmingly positive that I find myself yet again reevaluating my thoughts on some of these things. One of those is the concept of deity and what it means to me. When I began a Pagan path I decided that the concept of deity that made the most sense to me was that there is but one Divine being and that the gods and goddesses were merely representations of the different facets of that being … sort of like how we behave differently at work in a professional setting than we do at home.
But the experience of needing to deal with a specific god and goddess for a few days is causing me to rethink that. And while I would agree that there may be similarities between some of the deities in different pantheons (especially those centered near what is now the European continent) and will happily concede that there may be cases where (as an example) a Greek or Roman god/dess may be a cultural variant on a Celtic god/dess, I can no longer say with certainty that all the pantheons are merely cultural variants nor can I continue to believe the various gods/goddesses are “facets of a whole”. I don’t know that I can adequately describe why to the satisfaction of anyone else, and it really doesn’t matter anyway … this is my path and the only person it needs to make sense to is me. 🙂
What is important is that my views about deity are changing. And as I’ve been pondering all this the last week or so, there is still that goddess out there who is continuing her nudges. They are small nudges and sometimes so subtle as to be nearly imperceptible, but they are there. More than one person has suggested it may be Brigid, but she just doesn’t feel right to me. The presence I’m feeling is older than Brigid. She has some of the same qualities, energy-wise, but she is definitely not well known. She doesn’t seem to care that I don’t have a name right now, and she’s being coy in not announcing who she is. I think she may be the same goddess who visited me a little over 3 years ago. That in and of itself is a little awe inspiring to me … to think that she may have been just hanging around throwing little nudges from time to time and I’ve been mostly oblivious to her presence. Something else to ponder for a bit I guess.
I think I will spend a little time reading some of the really old Celtic mythological tales and see if anything comes to me. I’m not going to count on anything though … if she is as “old” as I think she may be, it’s likely I’ll not find much to spark any thoughts on a name. Guess I need to find some time to meditate too … haven’t done that in a good while anyway.
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